This afternoon I was a guest on James Valentine’s Afternoons on ABC 702 Sydney.

James’ show has a segment called ‘I Can Top That‘ – curated by master storyteller John Knowles.  James chooses a topic, then John and guests like me have to share a true story on that topic, ideally outdoing the previous stories.  Listeners are invited to call in and contribute stories on the topic, too.

James Valentine challenged us to tell a true story about a time we tried to scam our way into something. I was asked to start things off and this was the story I opened with:

I arrived at the Sydney Cricket Ground after work to attend the second half of a One-Day-International.  My friends George and Mike were already inside the ground and had my ticket.  They were meant to meet me at an appointed time at the gate to give my ticket, but they didn’t show up.

I explained the situation to the gatekeeper but he was a good gatekeeper and he kept gate well.  I offered my watch as collateral while I went in to find George, Mike and my ticket, but the gatekeeper refused; obviously old school, he thought cricket was a timeless game.

From a phone booth outside the ground, I called the SCG and asked to page my friends.  The SCG told me that they only page for medical emergencies.

I thought for a minute, then called my mum at home in Narrabeen and said “If George or Mike call. tell them to meet me at the gate.”

Then I called the SCG back, trying to change my voice, and said “I have a medical emergency!  Could you please page Dr George Ritsinias or Dr Michael Rowlatt to call their Narrabeen surgery urgently?”

A few minutes later (at the end of the over) from outside the ground I heard the ground announcer read out my message and I nearly fell over laughing.

Neither Mike nor George turned up.

Eventually, the gatekeeper took pity on me and let me in.  I couldn’t find George nor Mike so watched the rest of the game, then caught a bus back to Wynyard.  Waiting at Wynyard for the bus home, George and Mike turned up.

“Didn’t you hear the message?”

“We did and we thought it was hilarious!”

“Then why didn’t you call?”

“Couldn’t find a phone.”

You can catch James Valentine’s ‘Afternoons’ on Sydney’s ABC 702 radio from 2-3 pm on weekday afternoons.

You can also see John Knowles’ live version of ‘I Can Top That‘ with various guest storytellers as part of a show called ‘Bespoken Word‘.  Bespoken Word is on monthly in the downstairs theatre at Petersham Bowling Club.  You can see details including dates and guest storyteller line-ups at: https://www.facebook.com/bespokenwordau/